I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
