Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
