We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
