Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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