please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
