My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
even my farts smell like vagina
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
