Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
