i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
