i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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