That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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