Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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