Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
