I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need a hoe opinion
go on
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
