I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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