You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
