Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
