OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
