That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
