Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just threw up on my dentist
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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