I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
