Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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