So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
