what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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