No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
