some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
