we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
