If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
