i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize