The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
