haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
