He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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