Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
