My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
