oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
