Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize