and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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