i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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