Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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