No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
