i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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