Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
