Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
