This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
