saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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