My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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