Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
