It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize