Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Bring me that man meat
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
