wrigley field is MILF paradise
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
