Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
