i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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