Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
