why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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