sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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