I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
