i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just invented taco cereal.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
