Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
