I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
