nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
