I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
