sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
