i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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