i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Everclear isn't food dammit
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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