omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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