What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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