I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
