i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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