I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
