there was a trapeze. enough said
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
