were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize