wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How's work?
Spinning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
