So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
