My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
