Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
