We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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