God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
