Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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