she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
